Return to Happy

"Fear makes us feel our humanity." ~ Benjamin Disraeli

Post written by Leo Babauta http://leobabauta.com

The moment my first daughter Chloe was born, I was filled with an overpowering joy — she was a living miracle! I was also filled with soul-trembling fear — here was a fragile new life, entrusted into my incompetent hands. It was overwhelming, this mixture of two powerful emotions.

I call it Joyfear.

I discovered this word in an exercise on Sunday at the World Domination Summit during a talk by the amazing Andrea Scher and Jen Lemen of Mondo Beyondo. During the exercise I came up with the word and wrote it on my arm.

Joyfear.

It turns out that the birth of each of my kids was filled with Joyfear. And it turns out every single defining moment in my life has been filled with Joyfear, with a mixture of intense joy and intense fear into one ball of powerful emotions that both lift me up and make me see things clearly when I hadn’t before.

My first marathon was filled with Joyfear (actually every marathon had it). I felt Joyfear when I quit my day job and became self-employed. Joyfear was there when I fell in love with my wife and then when I married her, when I moved my entire family with absolutely nothing to San Francisco last year, when I published my first book, <http://thepowerofless.com/> and in a smaller way every time I create something new and put it out into the world to be judged.

Having only joy is great. Having only fear sucks. But having both… that’s life-defining.

Do not shy away from Joyfear. Seek it out. Recognize it when you happen upon it. Joyfear will change your life, and you’ll never forget the moment you find it.

“The Irish writer Frank O’Connor wrote how, as a boy, he and his friends would make their way across the countryside. When they came to an orchard wall that seemed too high and too doubtful to try and too difficult to permit their voyage to continue, they took off their hats and tossed them over the wall—and then they had no choice but to follow them.”
~ John F. Kennedy

In what situation could you throw your hat over the wall?

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin,
and a single courageous step, would carry us right through them.”
~ Brendan Behan, C20th Irish Poet, Novelist and Playwright

Specifically, what feels difficult or doubtful? 
What is a single step you could take?
What is the single step you will take? By when?

Please do not hesitate to use the comments function to share and request accountability. The impact you will have on the rest of us with your sharing is unknown (yet an impact is certain).  

So this week has been quote-crazy for me. Just when I thought I had the ideal idea to share with you, another quote came along, begging for the spotlight. Thus, you get them all!

At a meeting of kickass women enterpreneurs last weekend (Tribal Truth), the keynote speaker (Kim Castle) shared words from Bette Midler:

It got me thinking - why do I continue putting forth my "yawn" self? Am I just like everyone else? No. Do I want to be? No. So what's the deal?

You have my commitment; from now on you shall receive all of me - even the bizarro, blunt, hyper-spaso me. Because why the hell not?

And it would not be a Kate Blog without turning the question to you:

Where in your life are you not sharing all of you? What might keep you from doing so? (Remember... non-judgmental curiosity is key!)

Next quote...  

In other words, when we are not doing what intuitively feels right in an effort to protect others’ feelings, we are being selfish. (Take a minute to absorb that one.)

Or maybe when you imagine taking steps toward your dreams, you hear that familiar voice: “What makes you think you’re so special??” I’ll tell ya what – you ARE special. And so is the owner of that voice. And so is everybody else.

We all are special, and in the big scheme of things, we all are meaningless – at the same time. So why not do what makes you happy and tell the voice to take a seat?

One more, short and sweet, from a friend and fellow entrepreneur.

Realizing giant possibilities, beautiful dreams, fulfilling lives... none of it just magically lands in your lap. High risk, high reward, right?

To create your deepest desires, you must be willing to go into scary-land. You must be willing to take a step forward and have no idea how it will work out. (Hint: If you are not feeling fear, you are not playing big enough.)

Where in your life might there be some room to step it up a notch, go a touch closer to your personalized scary-land? How could you experiment with this concept today?

There you have it. These have been my seeds of self-inquiry and curiosity this past week. Hope any or all of it takes root in your psyche this week.

Let us enjoy growing together! I'll be a lush, green, tendril-like expansion with burnt orange flowers. And you?

Never did I expect so much interest in these free calls! Last Monday morning, I offered a 27-Minute Clarity Call to anyone wanting to get clear on the best next step in creating abundance by doing work you love!

Kate, I wanted to let you know how much value I got
from the 27-minute personal coaching call with you,
how grateful I am that you were able and willing
to give me that time, and how it gave me
great clarity on what steps to take next. 
You cut to the heart of what I needed and helped me move forward.

By Monday afternoon, each of the 30 available time slots had been taken. Goes to show I need to stop putting subconscious limits on my possibilities! And then I started wondering, where else am I putting limits on what I see as possible?

What possibilities in your life might you be "accidentally" limiting?

I know not everyone heard about the opportunity. An all-star client and a few friends shared the opportunity with their respective circles, and the rest was a whirlwind!

To ensure my beloved Return to Happy community members (YOU!) get a crack at it, I've decided to offer just a few more free 27-Minute Clarity Calls.

If you fall into one of two categories and are ready to stretch yourself in creating a powerful life you love, grab one of the 6 time slots available. On the call, we will identify your next best action step to overcome whatever is holding you back. 
 
(1) You want to identify work you would love doing that also would create abundance and help others. 

(2) You do work you love that helps others, but are not making the money you desire.

You will have more clarity on how you can be helping others and making money doing what you love!

Click here to schedule our time together:
https://my.timedriver.com/J3GJJ

Maybe the call is not "calling" to you - go with your gut. Either way, ask yourself what could be possible in your life if you removed those conscious or subconscious limits? What could you do today to stretch beyond the limits a bit? It could be seemingly small, but small steps have been known to create huge impacts.

Just spent an exhilarating three days with my business coach and 80 other heart-centered, purpose-driven entrepreneurs. The energy was electric, the content was beyond useful, and my biggest challenge was not having enough time to connect deeply with each of the cool cats who are up to such amazing things.

Countless take-aways... but the most poignant for me as I bask in the "morning-after glow" is how much I have been trying to do it all myself - and how freakin' [and unnecessarily] difficult that makes everything!

When faced with a room full of overtly capable people eager to support me in whatever ways I could dream up, I was blocked. People offered, and I either did not really hear the offer, or I conjured up reasons why I could not accept the support.

What is keeping me from accepting help from others?

Psychoanalysis aside, the certain outcome of not being willing to request or receive support (from the neighbor or the Universe at-large) is a stagnant life of ho-hum and living small. It keeps me from playing my best game in every area of my life. 

The potential of what I am capable of creating and sharing is HUGE, and the same goes for you.

So I chose to try something different. I now am committed to making requests for support in some form every single day. This week, as I have been experimenting, the results have been jaw-dropping! (Details to be shared soon.)

If you are spending your time doing work you don't absolutely love...

If you love what you do, but you are not making the money you want...

If you have a deep desire to help others and make a difference with your work...

Then I can help you. And I want to help you.

Take a small step now for yourself - and for the impact you will have on others. Simply explore what support might look like. Make a request of someone to support you, whether it is me or anyone else in your life.

It is all right there, waiting to be had. All it takes is a bit of guidance, support, and accountability to have anything you want in life.

I am ready to put all the tools and training I have invested in to help you step into the bigness you know you are!

If you are a woman who wants to make money doing what you most want to do, you might be a good fit for the Mastermind Coaching Group I am cooking up. The intimate group will be carefully selected to provide the most value to all involved.

If you want to be the first to hear about this opportunity, enter your info below.

Just figured something out that maybe you have known all along...
Most of us (er, all?) employ tricky little tools to "help" us avoid suffering.

When life is not how we want it to be, we may instinctually create a substitute, an obsession of sorts, on which to fixate our attention.

Your compulsion might be work, smoking, exercise. My alternative world revolves around food. I am in control... I am out of control... depends on the day, right? Either way, lots of mental energy goes toward assessing your performance.

In the past six months, I have struggled more than usual with my eating. Until recently, I had been chalking it up to the stress of leaving my marriage, living out of storage bins, meeting new people, starting new projects... yes, maybe... but no, not exactly.

When I hit rock-bottom a few weeks ago, eating until it hurt to breathe, nothing remained but the truth. (Wow, that was not easy to type.) What I saw is that I have been terrified to let go of my marriage. And each time this fear was triggered, I would respond with a clever rationale for why I should eat ...yes, all-natural treats, but treats nonetheless.

These sugar binges dulled me to the point that I did not have to worry about those pesky emotions coming to the surface. In fact, I did not have to worry about much of anything happening, because I felt like a fatigued, powerless ball of blah. 

And so I found myself caged in the space between two unavailable worlds. Letting go of the past made my heart hurt too much, but clinging to the past kept me from being present in my body and my life. Stepping forward to create an authentic and amazing future was impossible.

The cool thing is, as soon as I became aware of this connection between my eating and my fear, the fear instantly began to dissipate. Each time I choose to not eat when I am not hungry, I am choosing to let go. I am choosing to be BIG. I am choosing life.

I have too much to offer the world (and so do you!) to be numbing myself in a feeble attempt to press the pause button. The irony is, I was only stretching out the painful parts. Poor plan of (re)action.

Fear, anger, grief... they are simply emotions - that's it. Emotions are forever changing and flowing. When life is not how we want it to be and we try to get away from that, we are living small.  

When we use compulsions, even seemingly healthy ones, to ignore what we do not want to experience, we are leaving ourselves. We are saying to ourselves, "Sorry sucker, I'm outta here. Good luck with all that." We are not present. We remain blocked from our truest desires in life.

Staying with ourselves in the midst of intense emotion requires curiosity and courage.

In this moment, you can ask yourself what maybe you never have asked:
Who am I when I am not my past, my habits, my coping mechanisms?

Here's the exciting part: You are 100% pure possibility, capable of creating anything and being anyone, even in the face of pain. Now there's power for you!

Is this resonating with you? If so, let us hear about it. Your sharing impacts you and this community in ways we cannot begin to guess. 

And if you are ready to work through your challenges, I am ready to talk with you. We can be partners on this journey! Call or email me to explore all the ways that could look.