What is the content of the conversations with your most trusted relationships?  We all could grow by being aware of these seemingly routine interactions.

Imagine yourself on the phone with a friend or in the break room with a co-worker.  If you examine the conversation, you might find a lot of “venting” going on.  Sharing your annoyance about your partner’s forgetfulness or hearing about the snide remark your boss made to your co-worker forms the backbone of many relationships.  We take turns hurling our emotions outward and catching frustrations for others.   

Complaining feels good because we are getting something out of it.  Experiencing our emotions fully is one thing, but when we vent to others, we may have ulterior motives.  For example, the other day I was ranting to a friend that my husband hasn’t done anything “special” for me recently.  The anger swelled up all over again as I attempted to prove why my husband is a jerk.  And, of course, I was searching for her agreement, thereby providing “evidence” that I have a right to feel this way.

In hindsight, I see that nobody benefited from my venting.  I did not explore my reactive emotions, nor did I seize the opportunity to practice love.  Instead, I chose to seek out a third-party that would allow me to bathe in my desires to justify my close-hearted response to my husband.  I wanted to be right, plain and simple.  Sure enough - when I hung up, I felt angrier and even more righteous. 

We don’t utilize our social support networks to their fullest potential.  These precious relationships provide a unique opportunity: we could give and receive real support via active listening and genuine feedback – and stop blindly fueling one another’s fruitless fires. 

Even if I didn’t feel ready to create a conversation with my husband, I could have gone to my friend in search of fresh, neutral perspectives.  This conversation would have challenged me to evolve – an attractive alternative to the enormous efforts we put toward being right all the time.  And I bet my friend would’ve welcomed the change and grown a bit, too!      

This week, what steps will you take to transform your “venting” into authentic conversations and personal growth opportunities?

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