Return to Happy

Just figured something out that maybe you have known all along...
Most of us (er, all?) employ tricky little tools to "help" us avoid suffering.

When life is not how we want it to be, we may instinctually create a substitute, an obsession of sorts, on which to fixate our attention.

Your compulsion might be work, smoking, exercise. My alternative world revolves around food. I am in control... I am out of control... depends on the day, right? Either way, lots of mental energy goes toward assessing your performance.

In the past six months, I have struggled more than usual with my eating. Until recently, I had been chalking it up to the stress of leaving my marriage, living out of storage bins, meeting new people, starting new projects... yes, maybe... but no, not exactly.

When I hit rock-bottom a few weeks ago, eating until it hurt to breathe, nothing remained but the truth. (Wow, that was not easy to type.) What I saw is that I have been terrified to let go of my marriage. And each time this fear was triggered, I would respond with a clever rationale for why I should eat ...yes, all-natural treats, but treats nonetheless.

These sugar binges dulled me to the point that I did not have to worry about those pesky emotions coming to the surface. In fact, I did not have to worry about much of anything happening, because I felt like a fatigued, powerless ball of blah. 

And so I found myself caged in the space between two unavailable worlds. Letting go of the past made my heart hurt too much, but clinging to the past kept me from being present in my body and my life. Stepping forward to create an authentic and amazing future was impossible.

The cool thing is, as soon as I became aware of this connection between my eating and my fear, the fear instantly began to dissipate. Each time I choose to not eat when I am not hungry, I am choosing to let go. I am choosing to be BIG. I am choosing life.

I have too much to offer the world (and so do you!) to be numbing myself in a feeble attempt to press the pause button. The irony is, I was only stretching out the painful parts. Poor plan of (re)action.

Fear, anger, grief... they are simply emotions - that's it. Emotions are forever changing and flowing. When life is not how we want it to be and we try to get away from that, we are living small.  

When we use compulsions, even seemingly healthy ones, to ignore what we do not want to experience, we are leaving ourselves. We are saying to ourselves, "Sorry sucker, I'm outta here. Good luck with all that." We are not present. We remain blocked from our truest desires in life.

Staying with ourselves in the midst of intense emotion requires curiosity and courage.

In this moment, you can ask yourself what maybe you never have asked:
Who am I when I am not my past, my habits, my coping mechanisms?

Here's the exciting part: You are 100% pure possibility, capable of creating anything and being anyone, even in the face of pain. Now there's power for you!

Is this resonating with you? If so, let us hear about it. Your sharing impacts you and this community in ways we cannot begin to guess. 

And if you are ready to work through your challenges, I am ready to talk with you. We can be partners on this journey! Call or email me to explore all the ways that could look.