Return to Happy

What could be a better birthday gift than being called to "Come on down!" and spin the Big Wheel? Nothing, right? I envisioned the $10,000-spin being the highlight of my mom's week-long visit to the west coast.

We awoke on her birthday at the crack of dawn to make our way to CBS Studios. Upon arrival, I was entertained instantly. A cross-section of America was corralled, eager to show the producers their neon and glittered T-shirts that employed clever requests to play Plinko or kiss Drew Carey.  Eye candy galore.

Within thirty minutes, we learned we did not make the cut for the AM taping and received "no-guarantee tickets" for the PM rendition. No problem. We will meander down Hollywood Boulevard, grab a bite to eat, and return in a few hours.

The energy of the afternoon herd was a bit more tense. It quickly became obvious that not all present would secure one of the coveted 327 seats. Admittedly, I was excited to witness human behavior unfold in this surreal social experiment. 

Mary and her retired husband had blown an entire day of their California vacation in this lousy place and they had better get in or somebody was going to hear about it. Jason and his chest-puffing buddies demanded to know why the website does not say tickets don't confirm a f***ing spot. (The website clearly and repeatedly states this fact, minus the profanity.)

Although I cannot be certain, I imagine neither Mary nor Jason intended to spend vacation in a cloud of angry disgust. Yet, judging by their behaviors, that is exactly what they were choosing to do.

Total Behavior is made up of four components: Thinking - Actions - Feelings - Physiology (Body), and these four will always match. We cannot feel joyful while thinking anxious thoughts. Thinking and Actions are under our direct control; Feelings and Physiology are indirectly controlled by our thinking and actions.  

If we want to change how we feel, we must change our thinking, our actions, or both. Mary and Jason cannot control external circumstances, but they can control how they feel about the circumstances by choosing thoughts and actions that foster desired feelings.

Imagine you are feeling angry, and then choose to watch a movie. You realize after the movie that you were not feeling angry during the movie, but if you go back to thinking about what has gone badly (e.g., relationship, work, etc.), you start feeling badly again. You have to keep thinking the unhappy thoughts to keep the anger going.

What situation have you felt bad about recently? Can you work backwards from the feelings to identify the thoughts you were having about that situation?

Experiment with this idea. Watch for something to happen today that typically would elicit a negative thought or reaction from you. Try adjusting your thoughts and actions to see what happens.

My mom and I were only six numbers away from getting into the audience. Jason's group also missed out. Mary and her husband, though, were the last numbers to be called. I am not sure how I feel about finger-pointing Mary getting in.

Oh wait - I can choose how I feel by choosing my thoughts... "Mary deserves to Come on Down just as much as the rest of us, or maybe more, who knows."

Okay, feeling wonderful. Thank you, Mary?

Please check out my new non-profit, Beyond the Smile (www.facebook.com/beyondthesmile).

If you are inspired by the mission, please click "Like" below and share with your family and friends. One in 600 are born with cleft lip/palate in the US, so someone you know is affected directly or indirectly!

These questions have no right or wrong answers.  Because sometimes asking the right questions is the answer.

1. How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
2. Which is worse, failing or never trying?
3. If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
4. When it’s all said and done, will you have said more than you’ve done?
5. What is the one thing you’d most like to change about the world?
6. If happiness was the national currency, what kind of work would make you rich?
7. Are you doing what you believe in, or are you settling for what you are doing?
8. If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?
9. To what degree have you actually controlled the course your life has taken?
10. Are you more worried about doing things right, or doing the right things?
11. You’re having lunch with three people you respect and admire.  They all start criticizing a close friend of yours, not knowing she is your friend.  The criticism is distasteful and unjustified.  What do you do?
12. If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?
13. Would you break the law to save a loved one?
14. Have you ever seen insanity where you later saw creativity?
15. What’s something you know you do differently than most people?
16. How come the things that make you happy don’t make everyone happy?
17. What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?  What’s holding you back?
18. Are you holding onto something you need to let go of?
19. If you had to move to a state or country besides the one you currently live in, where would you move and why?
20. Do you push the elevator button more than once?  Do you really believe it makes the elevator faster?
21. Would you rather be a worried genius or a joyful simpleton?
22. Why are you, you?
23. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?
24. Which is worse, when a good friend moves away, or losing touch with a good friend who lives right near you?
25. What are you most grateful for?
26. Would you rather lose all of your old memories, or never be able to make new ones?
27. Is is possible to know the truth without challenging it first?
28. Has your greatest fear ever come true?
29. Do you remember that time 5 years ago when you were extremely upset?  Does it really matter now?
30. What is your happiest childhood memory?  What makes it so special?
31. At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?
32. If not now, then when?
33. If you haven’t achieved it yet, what do you have to lose?
34. Have you ever been with someone, said nothing, and walked away feeling like you just had the best conversation ever?
35. Why do religions that support love cause so many wars?
36. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?
37. If you just won a million dollars, would you quit your job?
38. Would you rather have less work to do, or more work you actually enjoy doing?
39. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day a hundred times before?
40. When was the last time you marched into the dark with only the soft glow of an idea you strongly believed in?
41. If you knew that everyone you know was going to die tomorrow, who would you visit today?
42. Would you be willing to reduce your life expectancy by 10 years to become extremely attractive or famous?
43. What is the difference between being alive and truly living?
44. When is it time to stop calculating risk and rewards, and just go ahead and do what you know is right?
45. If we learn from our mistakes, why are we always so afraid to make a mistake?
46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
48. What do you love?  Have any of your recent actions openly expressed this love?
49. In 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday?  What about the day before that?  Or the day before that?
50. Decisions are being made right now.  The question is:  Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?

This material is sourced from a blog called "Marc and Angel Hack Life: Practical Tips for Productive Living".

[Names changed for sake of privacy; and no - it's not one of those "so I have this friend" stories that is really about me.  Although, the details made their way to my journal because my friend's story triggered my emotions and helped me see my actions with my husband more clearly.]

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"An observation I woke up with... as Julia was talking about leaving Matt last night, she talked a lot about what is fair to Matt, how she can't give him what he wants or what she deems is fair, how she's concerned Matt will minimize his true needs to keep the relationship going. 

"What Julia never acknowledged, at least not to me, is what she wants or how her needs are or are not being met.  As I see it, if Julia felt alive and vital and full of possibility when she is with Matt, she would not be considering an end to the relationship.  Instead, her words spoke guilt and obligation. 

"My guess is that her deeper truth is she is not 100% fulfilled in her relationship with Matt.  What would happen if Julia were honest with Matt about what she wants or how her needs are not being met? 

"By taking ownership of and communicating her true wants, only then is she being authentic and fair.

"We assume our loved ones cannot handle hearing our truths.  Really, though, citing concern for the other's well-being makes things more comfortable for us.  While there may be an element of genuine love in this behavior, there also is an avoidance of speaking your own truth for fear you will have to deal with someone you love suffering." 

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Maybe you can apply this concept to your primary relationship, but also it may pertain to how you express yourself at work, in your communities, with your family, or with your friends.  

Watch for moments when you are trying to make someone else's life happier or easier.  Ask yourself what other intentions you might have with your actions.  Ask yourself if there is something you want that you are not expressing fully.

Okay, Universe - I know I have been ignoring you, but now I hear you loud and clear! Two hours battling a poopy clogged toilet apparently was the in-your-face message I required to finally acknowledge how I've been clogging my body and my mind.

Like many of you, I have been not-so-kind to my body lately. With the arrival of my 28-day body/mind detox program this Monday, I have been playing that game we all know too well... "tomorrow I will make up for today's behaviors." In other words, limitations start Monday, so I had better eat as much "bad" food as possible until then.  (Maybe your version of this rollercoaster involves cigarettes, gossip, exercise, clutter...).

Problem is, when we push our self-care into the future in lieu of being our own best friend in the present moment, we degrade our self-trust. The little voice inside exclaims, "you said you would take care of me, and you are choosing someone or something else over me again; I cannot trust you to take care of me."  

Future promises of self-care provide no value, and in fact, can have the opposite effect. But beating yourself up about it only compounds the issue! The inner you already is doubting your loyalty; chastising her will not help. 

Each moment is an opportunity to create a new possibility for yourself. My possibility, in this moment, is to be my own best friend. I intend to stay aligned with my purpose by first staying aligned with my physical and mental self-care routines.  In this way, I create a clear space from which to create and act out my mission.  

If you're into this concept and would like to step into an entirely new way of aligning your daily life with your life's purpose, check out the 28-Day Clean Your Body, Clear Your Mind Program that starts Monday!       

Eleven days into the new year... how are the intentions coming along?  Have you cleared some mental and physical space before moving forward with the intention / creation phase?

Yeah, I know... me, too...  What a challenge it has been to find the time and energy to clear space, much less create intentions!

Funny how we spend more time planning where we want to go on vacation than where we want to go with our lives.  And yet, you and I both know how necessary these regrouping, soul-searching "tasks" are to creating and sustaining a meaningful, joy-filled life.

To create a life we love, we must be strongly connected to ourselves.  An authentic connection with Self only can originate from a space of balance and clarity.  Thus, purifying and fortifying the body and mind are essential first steps.

I want to support you and guide you gently, step-by-step, to get to your very own clean, clear space.  To embody this mission, I combed through all my mind/body/spirit personal growth explorations and experiences to compile a "best of the best" of sorts. 

Please join us for Clean Your Body, Clear Your Mind: A 28-Day Guided Mind-Body Action Plan.  Step forward into a meaningful and fulfilling 2011 by first purifying and fortifying your body and mind.     

Register by Friday and save $100!  

To truly create something new, a clear space must exist in which to put it. 

Imagine overhauling your personal style without getting rid of the clothes in your closet that no longer fit your body or your personality.  Not a lot of physical or mental space to work with, and the "new" style would end up including remnants of the old stuff that doesn't align with the ideal vision.

So before you dive into another self-administered dose of New Year's resolutions, take the time to clear some space.  

1.  What in your life could you let go of?

2.  What are you ready to let go of?

3.  What will you let go of?

There are no wrong answers.  Letting go of a pair of jeans can be just as powerful as letting go of a habit of interrupting.   

Stretch yourself and continue to add to your list over the coming week.  My 2009 Release List included over 50 items last year. 

To get more support, join me for my first event of the year - a FREE CALL to help you make 2011 the year you move forward through your fears and create a life you LOVE.  

Register for the Telesummit here, where you will be granted access to my call and 7 other calls led by purpose-driven women who are experts in their respective fields.  (Many of the calls are geared toward women entrepreneurs, but my content is not.)

And if you can't make the live call, no problem!  You receive access to recordings of ALL the calls to listen to when convenient for you!

 I will be offering a BONUS to listeners that you won't want to miss.  Hope you can make it! 

ENJOY YOUR TRANSITION TO 2011 -
A NEW YEAR FOR AN EVOLVED YOU!


 

Whether you see your family once a year or once a week, this time of year tends to be based in pattern and ritual.  Some of these routines may excite you, while others may evoke sighs and groans.

Here are some questions to ponder if you want to experiment with creating a new experience this year:

What do you expect to happen?  (Your uncle will tell his stale, inappropriate jokes, your sister in-law will make that face again, your frustration scale will tip just in time to finish off the egg nog...)

What do you hope happens?  (Your poker face is perfect as you exclaim how much you love your gifts, your parents actually do love the gift you gave them, everyone enjoys the special time together...)

What do you hope doesn't happen?  (You receive an ugly sweater two sizes too small, you eat and drink yourself into an apathetic stupor, your daughter blurts out some embarrassing testament to your parenting...)

As you ponder, be aware that all your responses are rooted in the past.  And all are possible scenarios.  

In fact, they are probable scenarios because we subconsciously support the environment within which the events will occur.  It is natural for us to expect the future to repeat the past because the past is all we know.

So how do we stop repeating the past?  Ask yourself: 

What is a new way I could be to inspire a new environment?

For example, you could be "loving" and "accepting."  This might mean loving and accepting others as they are without trying to change them, or allowing them to be different than they have been in the past.  It also might mean loving and accepting yourself as you are, and being okay with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions related to your family.

As your way of being shifts, your actions will align with this way of being without you having to think about it. 

In this way, we can CHOOSE our experiences!  Imagine the possibilities...

Let me know what comes up for you.  What experiment will you take on in the coming days?

Above all, enjoy each moment - with the love and courage to be who you want to be and allow others to be who they want to be. 

Happy Holidays! 

After 2800 miles in the car, never would I have guessed it would be difficult to exit the vehicle (even if Cherry Bop is the coolest car around).

Lots of reflecting time in the car... I share my most recent fears and pose a question for all of us to ponder.  Please excuse the background wind noise.